the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
BRING THE BAGELS
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
Randomize
