I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
