you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
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