Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
Randomize
