if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
Randomize
