What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
Randomize
