didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
Randomize
