Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
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