Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
Randomize