"The real world" DC house is on the corner of 20th and S. Wanna come with to check it out? It's my goal to be a blurred out face in their hot tub.
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
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