she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
For sure. We should see if we can get Mike to pay for one, and have a triple kegger... :o==& (that's future me projectile vomiting. i try to be goal oriented)
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
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