You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
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