no one should ever give us hovercrafts
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
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