A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
Randomize
