And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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