I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
splinters make it hard to masturbate
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
Randomize
