some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
I think my moral compass just broke
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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