i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
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