There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
Randomize
