She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
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