Don't make out with my wife yet
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
If I had your ass I would rule the world
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
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