Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
Randomize
