one two three fourrrrnication!
Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
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