she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
Randomize
