mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
