There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
Randomize
