Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
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