is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
Say something about gay babies.
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
Randomize
