I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
Randomize