i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
Randomize
