new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
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