Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
So, does it mean i'm loose if he can't even tell when he fell out?
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
Randomize
