Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize
