Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
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