He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
How external is "for external use only"?
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
I'm experimenting with sincerity
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
Randomize
