I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
you are never too drunk for berry picking
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
They left me at home... I'm a liability
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