Fucking hipsters really piss me off man. They are just such punk as bitches, all of them. Oh, and fuck Ed Hardy too.
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
Randomize
