U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
Randomize
