he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
