We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
We're too hungover to prance.
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
Randomize
