Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
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