after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
Randomize
