Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
Randomize
