Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
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