Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
Randomize