I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
Randomize
