Any of you guys fuck a 16 year old again? Because our front yard got fucked over high school style.
Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
