There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
Its about making memories worth repressing
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize
