i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
When did angry sex become our thing?
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
Randomize
