One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
Slut skills are useful in every country.
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
Randomize
