her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
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