from now on my penis is your penis
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
Randomize