i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
the night ended with taco bell and tears
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
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