i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
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