you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
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