What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
you never un-have a 4some
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
Randomize
