My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
Randomize
