That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
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