How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
Randomize
