So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
Randomize
