I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
My balls are so social today.
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
Randomize
